Simulation (Bootleg) Read online

(HAAAHAAAHAAHHAA!) I bet when he was born, he didn't hatch out of the egg, he ate the shell and found himself in a world of trouble." Bigfoot falls weak laughing his lungs off, rolling around on the ground. "I'm serious man, it ain't funny. Get yo' big ass up. Don't be sad for the cow he just killed, it died from lookin' at this ugly thing not from the huge bite marks on the ribs. It passed out way before anything physical. If you see the chupacabra call the authorities right away! Yeah, if I don't take a cardiac arrest right away! I mean you gotta eat like he eats if you're as ugly as he is..." It stormed later that night, the sasquatch slept in his normal spot- outside. Marlynn took advantage of the RV space. A television left on blasting high fidelity audio as Marlynn got the best sleep he had in months.♫ In the dark, as the lightning flashes, a silhouette of a male figure was just standing there, between the trees, near the left of the RV. "CUT!" I shouted... It was Vlad. I knew, only Vlad would show up somewhere lookin' like a vampire. He had on a long leather coat with rings and all kinds of jewelry. "WHAT THE HELL...DO YOU WANT?"

  "I'm here to drraft a-Superr Marrlynn, I saw a-that he has-a no men-a-torrr."

  "YOU CAN'T DRAFT HIM; HE'S THE WRITE ARMOR, YOU IDIOT! IF YOU’D TURN YOUR DAMN WINDOW ON AND STOP BEING SO OLD SCHOOL, YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE MAKING MY SET SMELL LIKE PARMESON GARLIC BREAD!" yells Bot Sasquatch. Vlad stares at the furious Bot... “Vwhat an id-diot; Who in the world is this punk?!" Vlad's an officer. His rank is just as high as Zybu, Hat, Cape, and Azarban's. He's been filling gaps since long before Bot Sasquatch existed. When Hat looks at Vlad, seeing Vlad has gawndihowled and looks a lot younger than normal, he hollers laughter at Vlad. He starts taking snapshots, playing replays, and assigning wallpapers. Vlad was always the one who despised morphing; He was always on a power trip, like – I don’t need to change - now he’s morphed. We stopped for the day and fought our way back to the super Amolvian border. An illegal gauntlet was in full effect, but a giant golden calf named Bully and a human named Abed-nego were just horse playing so...Ruien watched and laughed in amusement. It was innocent. The golden calf snarled and gave Abed-nego a wedgie as the cupids tried to lasso it to sell it for money. All the holy Gawnden were there, even my role model, Hyper Nicholas. You may refer to him as Santa. Humiliation does not last forever, but a man’s not knowing what he deserves can last for generations. That life-point uplifts curses off your family.

  LEVEL 5

  Solo Objective: Scourge all the monsters

  Multiplayer Objective: Race – Be the first to lead the team to victory for an extra trophy

  Dark Objective: Gas the monsters for an extra life in deprivation

  Highlights:

  Super Replay: (♪“WE’RE UP, BABY! WE’RE UP!”♪)

  “The Holy-Gawnden-”:

  “Meanwhile, the Dark Gawnden-”: +

 

  We all barge into the white room, hundreds of ghosts moving aside to let us through, so we can give Ezequador a piece of our mind. As my entourage lifted off silently, I get to the old throne and start yappin’, “Ezequador, I don’t give a damn who’s next, you’re gonna keep my operation confidential or we’ll,” I turn around with my pointing finger raised over my head to find no Hat and no Cape. Ezequador sat still watching random surround belts. Suddenly, “MUTE” pops up on the screen and a small person’s head got in Ezequador’s way, ignoring the fact that someone could be watching. “Little Azarban, you know better! You’d better gimme that remote!”

  “I GOT IT, DOOD! Ih’s compwicated!”

  “No, give it here!”

  “Uhm, I non’t speak that wanwuage. Can wou wepeat that in Buljoahwian? (I’m not playing!) …Hiymmhh.” Ezequador snatched the remote. Ban flapped his wings. A split second later, he was on Ezzy’s shoulder chewing and smacking his lips like he never wanted the remote. The attention span of the cupids- they care very briefly, just wave another toy in their faces. “Do what I tell you to do and ya won’t be whinin’!”

  “Little Azarban, are you eating?” Joelnaq asked, tossing his blade up and catching it by the hilt. Azarban smacked his lips, chewed more, and shook his head to say no. “Now the damn thing’s broken.” Ezequador discovered, smashing the mute button, then forced to use the volume button. Then, he found an empty space on the device where the mute button used to be. “Wait a minute…” he turned to look at his tiny brother drooling on his shoulder and smacking his lips, breathing in his ear. “ Joelnaq, how does he do that?” Ezequador was dying to know. “I caught it that time, and I’m not telling you.”

  “We already had this discussion, you have to tell me.”

  “Ok, I’m lying.” I sat with the children teaching them to spawn holy-fire and holy light inside things. My wife, Rosebush, hovers over to me, double-clocked and blazing! She rubbed my head with both her hands. “Ha-you are so tough, big man!”

  “They’re always cheating, man, we have an opportunity to get revenge and you keep lettin’ who-haa and any-who stroll right into my armor, no telling who’s following them!” Ezequador wrote me up for cutting in line. I was suspended. “I’m the write armor, you can’t suspend me!” I joked, walking closer to the old throne. I was famous, man. “I know I can’t suspend you, that’s why I don’t like you or your klutzy daughter,” said Ezequador, an angelic priest. An adorable teenage girl, flaming bright as the stars, broke into the castle window above the entryway and Rosebush was checking out a magazine, just about to look up, so I was like, “Hey, let’s go somewhere…” to keep her focused on me. Glass was everywhere, the girl couldn’t control her armor, and she was striking several the hollownauts, receiving serious payment! “Now, why couldn’t she just keep outside and do that to the enemy.” the priest of the hollow sighs. “HEY, EZEQUADOR!” She said. She jumped onto his lap and kissed him on his cheek, still sopping up hollowbots from her klutzy actions. Ezequador put his arm around her, as she sat up on his knee overflowing with energy. He started to compensate the hollownauts by raising his hand and wiping thin air to send hollowbots gliding and sailing across the room through the air, looking for damaged clones to auto-repair. Satan hates women because they took his place as most beautiful creatures… (♪BMMMM♪) “What are they doing in my briefing room? Marlynn, go-s-”

  “Affirmative!” I do a little no handed cartwheel across the hall in front of the doorway. I put my back against the wall and my daughter, Melancholy, a ruthless deity, stood across on the opposite side. I heard Little-Azarban and Cape. Then, I heard Elder Faulkner and a few grenades going off (♪BOOM♪); a tiny voice screams for it’s life. “AZARBAN!” Cape Thoughtful yelled from within the conference room, his guitar dispersing grave harmony. Elder Faulkner always has a stuffy nose, so nobody really ever listens to him. “The Gener-dated d-nukes n-deed help at times themn-selvmnes-hmphhhh!” (♪sniffle♪) So, I open the door thinking, (“Oh, these guys are doing their routine playing with holy grenades at Elder faulkner’s meeting.”) I open the door and a huge wave of H2O flushes me right back out. I had never seen anything like it. So, I’m swimming, and I look up and there’s Azarban in a little bathing suit dipping by like a little fish. I’m soaked when I get back to the white room; Hat and Cape are talking to Ezequador completely dry. Dark Gawnden who were there to make trades where laughing. Hat and Cape move behind the throne to let Ezequador get back to work. Out of nowhere, Hat spawns like corn syrup and wipes it in Cape’s upper lip. “Hey! What the junk is that?” asked Cape. “It’s monster sperm, dude, hahaha. Eww! Ha-Oh my God!” Rosebush tells a fib to mess with Cape’s head. The nukes like to steal each other’s shine as far as replays and highlights. They always jump onto each other’s surround-belts to steal the other’s shine. They’re highly intelligent beings so I never get into any of this with them. Trust me, you can’t win. The next thing I knew, we were all lined up to be written up, because Cape swore and Azarban repeated after him. Zybu teleports into the white room from the portal Axe to the old Amolvia. “Come on over here and get yours, Zybu, I’m sure you’re somebody’s
mentor.” Everybody cheered as if they agreed and like Zybu was deserving. We all laughed, and Zybu flipped Azarban off. “He jus fwipp me off!” Little tattles. We all laugh. Hat’s grows weak in laughter and falls to his knees. “I’m an officer, I’ll give you a reason.” Says Zybu. Ezequador stares at him. Hat flips Azarban off, hid his hands in his pockets, looking around curiously. Little turned to snitch, but he saw that Hat was all too clever. Then, Zybu purred and flipped Ezequador off. Shootouts emerge on the outside of the castle next door in Super Groove World, formerly known as Super Hat world, but changed due to the Generated Nukes departing to start their own lands and arenas. Ezzy wrote Zybu up quickly saying, “That didn’t look right, I thought you had a cramp until you said something (♪scribble♪) here! (HROAHHHHHH!)” He held the slip of paper outward. Zybu patiently walked to the throne, slapped the paper into the air with his paw, and caught it with his mouth as it was falling… The suspension slips transformed into glass boxes, and the boxes bound the suspended officers... The holy Gawnden can see the God in people. "Ya wanna know how it feels to be bound, I'll show you." Ezequador